1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:02,703
* Shut up!

2
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:04,305
CHRIS ROCK:
The week before finals

3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,574
was the most pressure-packed
time of the year.

4
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,343
Kids reacted to the pressure
in lots of different ways.

5
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,813
Some kids took it out
on themselves.

6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,316
Some kids
took it out on others.

7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,717
When I got stressed out,

8
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,686
only one thing
ever worked for me:

9
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:19,687
cracking jokes.

10
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,123
I saw your mama standing
outside the free clinic

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00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,391
reading a bottle of aspirin.

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I asked her what she was doing.

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She says, "Studying
for my drug test."

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:
That's good.

15
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Very good, very
good, very good.

16
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Very funny.

17
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:33,834
You got a way with words.

18
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,703
Which would be
a good thing

19
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,105
if this was...

20
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,108
you-got-a-way-with-word-ology!

21
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But is this that?

22
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No.

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You're right.

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00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,682
Do you know
William Henry Harrison?

25
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:49,717
Yeah, wasn't he that guy

26
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,552
who cleaned up that woman
in My Fair Lady?

27
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,487
No, that was Rex Harrison.

28
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,455
Oh.

29
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,257
William Henry Harrison

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00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,727
was the ninth President
of the United States,

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and he gave

32
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the longest inaugural address
in history.

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And guess what?

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00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,269
What?

35
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,604
Since you like
to talk so much,

36
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,641
you are gonna memorize

37
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,143
that speech!

38
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,477
But I have to study for finals.

39
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,512
Not if you don't get
that speech memorized--

40
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because if you don't,
you're gonna get suspended!

41
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And then you
won't be here

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00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:26,320
to take final exams!

43
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You got a mama joke for that?

44
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If I tell it,
I'll get suspended right now.

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* Ah, make it funky now.

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

48
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In 1987, there was no Internet.

49
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If you wanted information,

50
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,799
you actually had to walk
out of your house and get it.

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00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,834
William Henry Harrison's
inaugural speech.

52
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There you go.

53
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,771
Thanks. Uh, which page is it on?

54
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All of 'em.

55
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,908
I can't memorize all this.

56
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Memorize? Harrison
couldn't memorize
that, and he wrote it.

57
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,546
Well, I guess I'm gonna need
to take it home.

58
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Can't. It's a reference book.

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Can I make a copy?

60
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,485
Sure.

61
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:36,557
Don't we have a copy machine?

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00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,492
We did, but it
turned out to be a fake.

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00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:39,860
It was a copy of a copy machine.

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The Xerox police
confiscated it.

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00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,632
If your hand starts to cramp up,
use the other one.

66
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,567
I was quite familiar
with that principle.

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Your battery's dead.

68
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:49,870
Dead?

69
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,038
Tattoo, that
doesn't make sense.

70
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,807
I gave my wife money to buy
a new one two months ago.

71
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,510
I don't know, man, I never seen
anything like this before.

72
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,413
It look like this battery been
in here three or four years.

73
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,449
:
How much to replace it?

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00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,784
Sixty dollars.

75
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,819
But that don't include
the spare tires,

76
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,521
the shocks or the brake pads.

77
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,323
What

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00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,358
I don't know.

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00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,492
Just now.

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00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,626
It's your car.

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00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,299
:
My name is Tallulah LaFitte.

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I came in here the other day to
get my hair dyed honey brown,

83
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and it come out like this.

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00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,407
Well, did you have color
in your hair before you came in?

85
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,708
So, what if I did?

86
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,843
I didn't want my hair
to be orange.

87
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,645
I look like Ronald Blackdonald.

88
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,282
Well... hair is
like crayons, you know?

89
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,883
You mix colors,
you get new colors.

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If you don't know
what you're mixing,

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then you don't know
what you're gonna get.

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00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,424
I don't care about
no mixing colors, miss.

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00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,726
You need to give me
a refund.

94
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,429
You need to put
those fingers away.

95
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,498
Um, we don't give refunds.

96
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,932
That's our policy.

97
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,667
Didn't you read the sign?

98
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Then I need to speak
to the manager.

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00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:58,539
She's just gonna tell you
the same thing I just said.

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00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,040
How do you know that?

101
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,343
Because she is me!

102
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,745
So I'm sorry, but no.

103
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,547
Whatever happened
to that head of yours

104
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,915
is not our fault.

105
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,317
That's what
the president of Hollywood

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00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,451
said to Britney Spears.

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Ah-ah, this is not over, miss.

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Until you give me
back my money,

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00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:18,692
I'm putting a mojo
on you and yours,

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00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,328
a hex...

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00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:23,831
on everything you touch
and everything you do.

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00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,866
So it is said,

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00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,768
so it shall be done.

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00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,803
(grunts quietly,
clicks tongue)

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00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,443
(continues in
foreign language)

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That was Barack Obama's
middle name.

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And Obama-lu to you, too!

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Back home, my father thought

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someone put a hex
on his dinner.

120
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,125
We're having soup
for dinner?

121
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:56,330
Yeah. Drew and Tonya are sick--
they got a touch of the flu.

122
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,065
The flu? They were
fine last night.

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00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,433
They aren't
faking, are they?

124
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If she thought that,

125
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:01,969
she'd have made fake soup.

126
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,805
No. I took their temperature
with a rectal thermometer.

127
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,574
Just one?
Either they
got the flu,

128
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,976
or they're going
a long way for a joke.

129
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,344
How about Chris?

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He's upstairs studying.

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He's trying to memorize
a speech for his history class.

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Where you been?

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Tattoo down
at the garage.

134
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The battery's dead.

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What?

136
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,822
I know--
it's a brand-new battery.

137
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I told him you bought
a new one two months ago,

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and he said it looked like
it was four years old.

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I don't get it.

140
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He said it looked like
it was four years old?

141
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That's crazy.
Yeah, it's been
a crazy day.

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One bad thing happening
right after the other.

143
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I found out I had a
hole in my pocket,

144
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,607
and I lost 89 cents.

145
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Aw!
Hey, are you okay?

146
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,777
No, she's mad
she can't slap soup.

147
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,614
Yeah. If that woman
wasn't so ridiculous,

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I swear I might really believe
she put a mojo on me for real.

149
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,752
What woman

150
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,721
What makes you think
you got a mojo?

151
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,055
Oh, it was nothing.

152
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,124
Some crazy woman
came in the shop,

153
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talking about she didn't
like the way we did her hair,

154
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she wanted her money back,
and I told her no,

155
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,397
and she got mad
and said, oh, well,

156
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I'm gonna put a hex on,
mojo or something on you.

157
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,435
Well, did this happen today?

158
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Yeah.

159
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,037
Maybe we still have time.

160
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I'll stop by
Aunt Mousey's tomorrow

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00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,742
on the way home from work
and get her mojo remedy.

162
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In the meantime, I'll just
get the kids some 'Tussin.

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No, no. You can feed 'em,
but don't give 'em medicine

164
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until you treat the mojo.

165
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Anything you do
might make it worse.

166
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Fine. Drew, Tanya, Chris,
get down here and eat this soup!

167
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Ow!

168
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I just bit my tongue.

169
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Mojo.

170
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Do we have to drink this?

171
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You don't have to do anything
but stay ugly and die.

172
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,070
Yeah. We need to be
on the safe side.

173
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,573
It looks like
Clay-Dough and grits.

174
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Ugh! It tastes like
Clay-Dough and grits.

175
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,109
It is Clay-Dough and grits.

176
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If you treat the mojo
in the first 24 hours,

177
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,814
you can stop it
from taking hold.

178
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,083
Julius, can I, um, talk
to you for a minute?

179
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,585
Yeah.

180
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Drink that.

181
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,859
Why can't we just give the kids
some cough medicine?

182
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,461
They have the flu, not the mojo.

183
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,129
Well, let's be on the safe side.

184
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,798
This cures the flu and the mojo.

185
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,900
If there's no mojo,
then they won't get it.

186
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,803
You're not making my kids
drink Clay-Dough and grits.

187
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,538
Too late.

188
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* Watch out!

189
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,174
JULIUS:
Good job.

190
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,678
If they throw it up,
you clean it up.

191
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,481
* I...

192
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,082
* Put a spell...

193
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,756
While Drew and Tanya
were trying not to throw up,

194
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,991
I was trying
to get my speech down.

195
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:38,992
"...in the early period..."

196
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:42,195
"...that a most striking
contrast was observable

197
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,665
in the conduct of..."

198
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,700
After three days of studying,

199
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,903
I was a lot like
William Henry Harrison: dead.

200
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,004
Um...

201
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,740
Come on, man, you can do this.

202
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,508
This is too
much pressure.

203
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,844
If I had, like, one more day,
maybe I'd have a shot at it.

204
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,112
Well, I can't help you--
I've run out of ideas.

205
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,080
It's, like,
you're cursed or something.

206
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,683
So what am I gonna do?
This is a disaster.

207
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,217
Dude, pull yourself together.

208
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,119
Everything's gonna be all right.

209
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,523
Really?
No. You're totally gonna
fail the tenth grade.

210
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,525
That reminds me
of a funny story.

211
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:12,960
My life is hanging by a thread,

212
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,227
and you're gonna tell me
a funny story?

213
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:18,098
:
Yeah, yeah. So, this one time,
my cousin Benny,

214
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,967
he didn't study for
a test, either, right?

215
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,171
:
So... he picks up a phone,
and he calls in a bomb threat,

216
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,172
and they cancelled school.

217
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,175
Right. Like, I'm gonna
call in a bomb threat.

218
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,278
:
Hello. I have planted a bomb

219
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,280
at Tattaglia High.

220
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,083
Unless everybody's
out of that building

221
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,619
in the next 40 minutes...

222
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,921
everybody will be
out of that building

223
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,123
in the next 40 minutes.

224
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,097
In the '80s,
making a bomb threat

225
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,933
was nowhere near
as easy as it is now.

226
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,635
Sir, unless the bomb
is committing a crime,

227
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,003
there's nothing we can do.

228
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,338
Unless the bomb is up a tree
and can't get down,

229
00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,539
there's nothing we can do.

230
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,743
I thought I finally got
the right people on the phone,

231
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,244
but I still couldn't figure out

232
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,213
why the school
wasn't being evacuated.

233
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,717
Bomb. School. 40 minutes.

234
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,720
Okay, you have a nice day.

235
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,588
I'm going to lunch.

236
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:17,257
Tell the Bomb Squad
they got a message.

237
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:27,601
Back home, my dad's
mojo recipes were laying eggs.

238
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,302
Honey, I've done
everything I can,

239
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,938
and things just
keep getting worse.

240
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,973
They've had over four
glasses of the remedy each,

241
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,274
and their temperature
just keeps going up.

242
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,076
Maybe that's because Clay-Dough

243
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,979
is not the stuffy-nose,
runny-eyes,

244
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,381
scratchy-throat and knock-you-
out-so-you-can-sleep medicine.

245
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,183
Well, can you check
the kitchen drain?

246
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,351
It's stopped up.

247
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,252
Since when?

248
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,854
I don't know-- it was slow

249
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,922
a couple of days ago,
and now it's totally clogged.

250
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,792
You know, this would all be over
if you just go apologize

251
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,294
to that woman.
Well, I guess
it's not gonna be over,

252
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,864
because I'm not gonna apologize
for being right.

253
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,667
Men do it all the time.

254
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,969
Breathe.

255
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,839
If the Bomb Squad didn't get
the word soon,

256
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:09,009
there was still gonna be
an explosion in my heart.

257
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,177
Well, look who's here.

258
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,079
We've all been
waiting for you.

259
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,180
You have?

260
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,715
Yeah. Why don't you start off

261
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,650
with a few of those
"Yo, mama" jokes

262
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:17,785
just to get the crowd going?

263
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,056
All right, everybody,
don't panic!

264
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,191
It's just a fire.

265
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,894
Line up single file by the door.

266
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,796
You know the drill.

267
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,130
Dude, come on.
Snap out of it.

268
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,164
My plan was working.

269
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,399
Yes!

270
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:36,336
While the fire alarm rang,
Drew and Tonya were burning up.

271
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,806
So you just gonna go to work
and leave us like this?

272
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,675
There is no mojo, Julius.

273
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,542
The children are sick.

274
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,210
You refuse to give them
real medicine.

275
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,212
Just like the government.

276
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,752
Ah, Ms. Rochelle,

277
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,887
Mr. Julius, I just want
to tell you

278
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,856
I might be a little
late on the rent.

279
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,225
The mortuary had
a run of bad luck,

280
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,729
and tragically, we lost
three customers.

281
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,063
That means they lived.

282
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,364
You see there,
Rochelle?

283
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,133
The mojo's spreading
all over the building.

284
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,401
Mojo
You got

285
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,536
a mojo on you?

286
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,404
Oh, don't tell me you believe
in that nonsense, too.

287
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:14,174
I believe it
because it's not nonsense.

288
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,175
I'm sorry,

289
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,910
if you got a mojo on you,

290
00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:19,246
I got to move the hell
up out of here now.

291
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:19,947
What for?

292
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,481
'Cause you got a mojo on you,

293
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,817
and I'm in this house,
I got a mojo on me.

294
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,452
And if people keep
surviving around here,

295
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,220
y'all gonna run me out
of business.

296
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:30,791
So do what you need to do,
and let me know when it's done.

297
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,425
That's what my wife says.

298
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,428
See that?
Now we're losing a tenant.

299
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,864
What else has to go wrong

300
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,965
before you
take this seriously?

301
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,499
Hey, Ma,
Chris's school.

302
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,970
TV REPORTER:
Tattaglia High School in Queens
where just a short while ago,

303
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,371
the Bomb Center received a call
threatening

304
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,472
to blow up the school.

305
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:49,977
So far, the school
is still there.

306
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,211
So we'll be here with live,

307
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,512
up-to-the-minute reporting.

308
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,120
Now do you believe it?

309
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,523
Where you been?

310
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,358
I've been
at the emergency triage area

311
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,293
with heart palpitations.

312
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,028
Don't worry.
Everything's gonna be fine.

313
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,797
How do you know?
This whole place could blow.

314
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,899
Metal chairs flying
like shrapnel everywhere.

315
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,767
Greg, I called in
the bomb threat.

316
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:16,804
What?! Where would you get
such a crazy idea?

317
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,206
From you, with that story
about your cousin Benny.

318
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,276
Oh. I may have exaggerated
a bit.

319
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,211
What's wrong with you?

320
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,546
Why would you make up
a story like that?

321
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,917
I have a penchant for hyperbole
to aggrandize myself.

322
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,451
I've been working it out
with my shrink.

323
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:34,822
Look, bottom line is, the
school is not gonna blow up.

324
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,289
They're gonna send us
all home for the day,

325
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,425
and I won't have to
recite that stupid speech.

326
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,459
:
Attention, everyone:

327
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,896
I'm Captain Tyrone Williams
of the Bomb Squad.

328
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:46,800
The school has been cleared
and the bomb threat is over.

329
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,535
Thank you for your cooperation.

330
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:52,272
I've never seen a black man
on that side of a megaphone.

331
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:55,075
We would send you all home,
but with finals next week,

332
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,310
it's best if you go back
to your classes.

333
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,112
So, we'll resume
with fifth period,

334
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:02,482
and Tyrone will resume
searching my office
any my person.

335
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:08,321
Hey, yo, mama, I'll see you
back in class, huh?

336
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,857
Maybe if I
start you off,

337
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,024
you'll remember
the speech.

338
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,493
All right, it
starts like this.

339
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,863
"Called from a retirement
in which I had supposed..."

340
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,164
I don't know the speech,

341
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,066
and I cannot go back
into that class!

342
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,500
What are you gonna do?

343
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,335
Panic!

344
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:31,511
No, no, no!

345
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,817
I didn't freak out like that
again until Big Puddin' died.

346
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,558
There, there, Chris.

347
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,228
It's perfectly natural
for you to freak out

348
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,529
after a bomb scare.

349
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,132
It's called Post-Traumatic
Stress Syndrome.

350
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,401
But being from
the ghetto,

351
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,603
it never occurred to me that
your stress would ever end.

352
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,272
Miss Morello, I'm flippin' out.

353
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,974
I think you should send me home.

354
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,977
I tell you what,
go back to your class,

355
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,578
and if you're still
feeling shaky after that,

356
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:06,947
then you can go home.

357
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,514
Thanks.

358
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,949
That was as helpful

359
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,484
as a bookshelf
at Paris Hilton's house.

360
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,308
Ooh!

361
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,913
Okay, um...

362
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:43,483
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.

363
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,053
Now, you would think that.

364
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:49,189
Look, I was wrong, okay?

365
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:49,756
Mm-hmm.

366
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,624
And I just wanted to...

367
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,428
...apologize for my attitude.

368
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,697
Thank you so much
for coming by.

369
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:58,665
Wait, wait, wait, now!

370
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,202
I need you take off
this whammy, you know?

371
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,670
The mojo hojo stuff.

372
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,573
I thought you said you didn't
believe in all this stuff.

373
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:11,144
I don't, but, you know,
everybody else around me does,

374
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,947
so would you do that voodoo
that you do so well?

375
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:14,914
Hmm.

376
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,485
Well, I can fix you,
but it gonna cost you.

377
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:23,423
Okay, you know, I knew that,
and here's your refund.

378
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,196
All right.

379
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,298
Tunde baba ashayokay.

380
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,632
That's it?

381
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:33,633
Uh-huh.

382
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,701
That means

383
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,603
"Thanks for the refund,
sucker."

384
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:40,007
And put me on your book
for next Tuesday, 10:00.

385
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,143
Well...

386
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,146
hello, Chris.
Nice of you to join us.

387
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,647
Oh, no, you don't!

388
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,983
The front of the class, please.

389
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:59,326
Now, class, if you
recall the other day,

390
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,694
Chris ran his mouth off.

391
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:05,432
Chris, did you
learn the speech?

392
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,000
No.
Yeah.

393
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,001
No!

394
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:08,735
Good.

395
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,403
Now take a seat.

396
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,673
And don't ever talk
in my class again.

397
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,108
Huh?

398
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,477
Huh? You don't want me
to recite it?

399
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,579
Recite it?

400
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:23,016
Did I say you had
to recite it? No!

401
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,685
I said for you
to memorize it!

402
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:28,388
Maybe if you spent
more time listening

403
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,157
and less time talking,

404
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,592
you might have heard
me correctly.

405
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,162
But I worked my butt off
learning this speech.

406
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,729
What are you doing, fool?
Sit down!

407
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,632
You know, it's interesting,
isn't it? Sometimes,

408
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,800
to get people
to do things,

409
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,735
we have to threaten
to do something,

410
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,039
we really have
no intention of doing.

411
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,141
Later on, North Korea would
follow the same advice

412
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,577
and get billions of dollars
in foreign aid.

413
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,681
Look, I memorized it,
I'm gonna recite it,

414
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,449
and you're gonna
listen to it.

415
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,617
Is that a fact?

416
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:58,618
Sit down.

417
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,787
"Called from a retirement
which I had supposed

418
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,655
would continue for the
residue of my life...."

419
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:03,756
That's enough.
You know it.

420
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,392
Take your seat.
"...to fill the
chief executive

421
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,760
office of this great
and free nation.

422
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,096
Talk.

423
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,830
"...which will govern me
in the duties

424
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,833
of these discharge
which I had to perform."

425
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:14,834
Enjoy. Good-bye.

426
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,337
"I fear that a strict
examination of the annals

427
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,739
"of some of the modern
elective governments

428
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:23,710
would develop
similar instances of
violated confidence."

429
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,512
"I, too, well understand
the dangerous temptations

430
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,746
to which I shall be exposed

431
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,115
"from the magnitude
of the power,

432
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,582
which it has been
the pleasure..."

433
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:32,352
CHRIS :
"If parties in a republic
are necessary to secure

434
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,421
a degree of vigilance sufficient
to keep the public..."

435
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,756
All right, all right!
I get it. Now leave me alone.

436
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,159
You know the speech.
I'm sorry.

437
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,193
Thank you.

438
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,861
* We're not gonna take it...

439
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,564
Chris, bring Vanessa a plate!

440
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,369
Thank you.

441
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,403
And something to drink, too.

442
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,307
So, what's going on?

443
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,708
Oh, I had to check with you.

444
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,544
I was going over
my receipts,

445
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,114
and my register keeps coming up
short about $40.

446
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,750
My mom could have been
the mayor of Detroit.

447
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:07,120
Oh... I meant to tell you
about that.

448
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:07,854
About what?

449
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,290
Um, you know Miss Tallulah?

450
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,524
Yeah. What about her?

451
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,661
Well, she was unhappy
with her hair color,

452
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,830
so she seemed pretty upset,
so I just gave her a refund.

453
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:22,335
Refund? What'd you
do that for?

454
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,504
I have a strict no-refund
policy,

455
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,672
you know that.

456
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,841
Well, Vanessa,
she put a hex on me. A mojo!

457
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,809
A mojo?

458
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,178
You let that woman come in

459
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,345
and scam you for $40

460
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,380
because she threatened

461
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,482
you with a mojo?

462
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,151
She's been doing that
ever since she came in, 'Chelle.

463
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,753
She's crazy! She's the reason
I put the sign up there.

464
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,323
Oh, ooh, I got

465
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,892
to watch TV when I eat.

466
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,862
I can't believe you had me go
all the way down there

467
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,865
and apologize
to that crazy woman for nothing!

468
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:53,966
It wasn't for nothing.

469
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,903
Drew and Tonya had a fever.
It was getting worse.

470
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,505
That's because
we didn't drink

471
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,539
that nasty mojo remedy.

472
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,907
Yeah,

473
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,842
we poured that
down the drain.

474
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,312
I really don't think
it's safe to drink Clay-Dough.

475
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,447
What about that battery?

476
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,681
I mean,
it was brand-new.

477
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,817
He said it looked like
it was four years old.

478
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,353
Oh, th

479
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,321
Yeah.

480
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,822
Yeah, I used that money

481
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,324
to buy a new outfit.

482
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,694
What about the bomb threat
at Chris's school?

483
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:25,432
Oh, um, it turned out
to be a hoax.

484
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,868
It happens so much
that, you know,

485
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,304
I think that's the reason why
they call it a "bomb threat."

486
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,207
Because nobody
really calls in bombs.

487
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,676
Oh, look, a school
just blew up!

488
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:41,514
TV REPORTER:
I'm here at Bardini High
with Captain Tyrone Williams

489
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,749
of the Bomb Squad.

490
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,916
Can you tell us
what happened?

491
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,319
Well, apparently, there was
a bomb inside the building

492
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,355
and before we were
able to defuse it,

493
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,390
it blew up and
destroyed the school.

494
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,892
Okay. Can you tell us,
does this have anything

495
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,862
to do with the bomb threat
earlier at Tattaglia?

496
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:56,929
Oh, absolutely.

497
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,232
Because there was
no bomb over there,

498
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,900
we figured there was
no bomb over here,

499
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,235
so we ignored
the call.

500
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,304
Fortunately, it was
after hours

501
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,274
so no students
were destroyed
in the blast.

502
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,509
But whoever called in
that Tattaglia threat,

503
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,379
we're holding you
personally responsible.

504
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:16,549
Wherever you are, we will hunt
you down and blow you up.

505
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:20,920
And that's not a threat,
that's a promise.

506
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:26,259
* Everybody hates Chris.

507
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,734
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org